Grac*e-mail for 09/29/09
got grace?
John()_:-) Every time you see this angel, remember that God loves you!
johnlynnbright@gmail.com
This is going out to 126 members of the Grac*e-mail group on Google Groups. Last week I tried to send out invites to the 754 e-mails that were on the old InJesus group. I’m not really sure what happened. I may have to send a message out on the old list directing them to the new group. If that means you get an extra message – sorry!
Have you checked out the Grac*e-mail Blog?
http://gracemail.blogspot.com/
Got this from Christi Medice…
I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally messed up now and have little chance of recovery:
• I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.
• I no longer have lemon slices in my ice water at a restaurant without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
• I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
• I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose (although cell phone usage may be overtaking the number one spot).
• Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.
• I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.
• I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
• ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
• I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
• I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
• I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish
• I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
• I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
• THANKS TO ALL OF YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
• BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
• I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
• I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.
• I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
• AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... disfiguring me for life.
• I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
• I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
• I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
• I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
• I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan
• I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
• THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
• AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
• I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!
• I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your backside, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician. .
Oh, by the way.....
A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
October is Clergy Appreciation Month!
You can get lots of ideas on how to celebrate at…
http://www.parsonage.org/cam/index.cfm
http://www.christianitytoday.com/holidays/clergy/
http://www.lifeway.com/lwc/article_main_page/0,1703,A=166275&M=200829,00.html?emid=22
If you received this from a friend and would like to join the list just check out the subscription info at the end of this mailing. There is always room for one more!
Got this from Larry Burrows…
Subject: 2 Chron. 7:14
I remember reading about the children of Israel who turned from God time and time again, only to realize their mistake and pray for forgiveness. Each time, God would forgive them and they would walk with him for a time. So, I am going to ask you to join me in praying for our nation every day. Please read the email below. God is in control.
When we were in Texarkana last week, there were signs in people's yards that said, "America, prayer is our only hope" - with 2 Chron. 7:14 underneath. We certainly need God's help!
I believe if we pray for our nation that things will turn around.
After contemplation and soul searching, I have decided to reach out to friends and relatives and ask you to do something that has been troubling me for a long time.
Our nation is/has been on the slippery slope for a long time. If you look around you will find corruption, greed, moral decay, and a steady move away from the things that made us great. The principles upon which this nation was founded are no longer our backbone. However, we can reverse this trend.
2 Chron. 7:14 in God's Word, He states:
"If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land."
I am convinced that we must pray for our nation and its leaders and ask for forgiveness. So I ask you to join me in this plea to our Lord.
Would you please send this to people in your address book? Ask them to pray EVERY DAY. If you do and they comply, we will lift up millions and millions of prayers a day to our Creator. He will hear us, and in faith will answer.
"If we ever forget that we are one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." Ronald Reagan
I truly believe this is why the United States of America is in the shape it's in today. Most people have forgotten that we are ONE NATION UNDER GOD! Let us as Christians stand up and remind people of this.
Send good stories and clean funnies to: johnlynnbright@gmail.com
NOTE - All material contained in this mailing is shared as received and is believed, by me, to be anonymous... unless credit is given. Please contact me at the address above if you know the author of any material so that I may give credit where credit is due. Thanks!
Grace & peace –
John A. Bright
Pastor, Walmsley Boulevard UMC in Richmond, Virginia
johnlynnbright@gmail.com
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change..."
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment